I Got Troubled Thoughts And A Self Esteem To Match
by ILovePotatoes94
Summary: Jess has now moved to La Push due to problems. Will she find moreproblems here or will she actually find love? JacobOCPaul That's right. I Made this a love triangle.
1. I Learned To Live Half Alive

_Well here it is. If there could be a drumroll played, it would be: The first chapter of my new Jacob Black story. It would have been out earlier but I've been going through a lot of bull lately. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy it._

**Disclaimer: Never will I ever own Twilight. It is a sad reality that I must face.**

I looked out the window as my mom drove down to the La Push reservation. Apparently it's for a new start since everyone made fun of me at my old school. Just because I was a little chubbier than most and I dye my hair weird colors doesn't mean I'm a target. I'm only moving in with my aunt Emily because the kids started getting violent. Whatever. I sighed for about the thirtieth time.

"Cheer up Jess. I'm doing this for your own good." My mom told me. I looked at her.

"It's gonna be the same here. I'm gonna get made fun of and then I'm gonna leave again. It's a never ending cycle!" I cried dramatically. What can I say? I'm a sucker for drama. She chuckled.

"You won't get picked on. You know Sam will have the boys around you all the time. Besides I hear a certain boy in La Push has been asking about you." She looked at me with a smirk. I looked at her confused. I had a crush on Jacob but he's pining over Bella.

"Who? I know for a fact that Jacob is in love with the leech lover." I told her with my arms crossed. Now she has me curious.

"Not Jacob. Paul." I looked at her like she was crazy. That was a shocker. Paul Walker was your typical hot man-whore. He was 6,7 with muscles everywhere and he fucked anything that was skinny, big boobed, legs that never fucking ended and wore pretty much nothing. I am nothing like that. I'm 5'4, chubby and have an attitude the size of the fucking universe. I wear skinnies, band tees or graphic tees, and converse or skater shoes. To hear that he's been asking about me is scary.

"You're lying. He doesn't even notice me." I told her. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

"Maybe he does but you've never noticed. You just don't want to admit that you think Paul is attractive." She told me. I looked at her like she had 17 heads and a pig nose.

"Are you crazy? Have you seen how Paul looks? His muscles ripple every time he freaking moves!" I practically yelled. My mom smirked and looked behind me. I turned and saw the whole pack standing outside Sam's house. I turned to my mom.

"We're here Jess." I glared at her as she smirked. I got out of the car and was immediately picked up in a hug.

"SAM!" I yelled hugging him tightly. He spun me in a circle and I laughed.

"It's good to finally have a pixie here." He told me smiling. He led me over to the pack and I hugged them all. I got in front of Paul and looked up to see him smirking.

"So you stare at my muscles huh?" I blushed and looked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob glare at Paul and Paul winked at him before picking me up bridal style and holding me close. Before I disappeared, I heard a loud growl then Embry and Quil trying to calm Jake down. Maybe me coming here is for the best and besides, things just got a whole lot more interesting.


	2. Tell Me What You Want To Hear

_Well I guess I'll continue this since people seem to like it. I'm glad my writing has gotten better. Enjoy._

**Disclaimer-WAHHHHH! I WISH I OWNED TWILIGHT BUT I DON'T!**

After being carried around by Paul, I finally managed to get away. I ran into the kitchen and decided to stay with Emily. I grabbed a muffin before all the guys decided to run in and trample the table for one. I screamed and climbed over the boys to get out. I finally managed to get out of the dog pile. Emily was laughing while I ate my muffin with my arms crossed. Paul looked at me and walked over.

"So Jess." He looked down at me. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You wanna do something later? Come back to my house and see a movie?" He smirked. I smirked back and moved closer feeling another pair of eyes on me. I pulled him down closer.

"I don't date man whores." I whispered. I moved away from him. His smirk widened.

"I'll get you." I laughed actually happy for once.

"Sure Walker. Sure." I walked away smiling. I heard a fist hit the table and ran back to the kitchen to watch what happened. I saw Jacob standing and glaring at Paul. Paul looked smug.

"What's the matter Black? Mad cause your girl is choosing me over you? Face it. She'll never want you." He smirked. I gasped as Jacob jumped over the table and tackled Paul. Paul flipped them over and punched Jacob in the face. Jacob started shaking as he rushed outside with Paul hot on his heels. I ran to the door to watch them fight in wolf form.

"Jacob stop!" I yelled while running towards them. Embry tried to grab me but I ducked under his arm. They both stopped and looked over at me. I walked to stand in between them.

"Jacob you can't be mad at Paul for asking me out because you're still hung up on the leech lover. I may be your imprint but you keep fighting it so it's your fault." I looked him straight in the eye and he lowered his head whimpering. I then looked at Paul.

"And you. Stop pissing Jake off. I get that it's a macho guy thing but I will not let myself get hurt in the process. So stop trying to get with me to get back at Jake. If you wanna be with me, then fine. All I ask is that you give me time. But if not, then just stop and be my friend." I told him seriously. I looked at them both again then walked back into the house. I walked into the kitchen and saw Emily baking.

"Hey is there a bonfire?" I asked her jumping onto the counter. She looked over smiling.

"Yeah. Are you excited?" she asked while frosting the cupcakes. I stole some of the frosting and shrugged.

"Isn't it gonna be cold?" I looked at her smirking. She rolled her eyes and smiled.

"It's always cold here." She told me. I nodded then headed upstairs to get ready for tonight. I took a quick shower then went to my suitcase to find a warm outfit. I took out a pair of black skinnies and a thermal Black Veil Brides tee. I put on my black skull bra and underwear then my clothes. I put on black ankle socks and grabbed my black DC shoes. I grabbed my Escape The Fate hoodie and guitar then ran downstairs almost crashing into Jared.

"Whoa. Easy there Pixie." He smiled setting me up straight. I punched his arm gently since I knew I would hurt myself. I walked into the living room and found the pack staring at the TV. I rolled my eyes and turned when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up and found myself staring into the dark eyes of Jacob Black.

"I need to talk to you really bad." He looked at me pleadingly. I sighed and looked at the floor then looked back at him.

"I guess." I told him. Aww crap what did I just agree to?


	3. I've Got The Guts To Say Anything

_WHAT? I'M FINALLY UPDATING? QUICK! SOMEONE TELL ME MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE! In all seriousness, it's been too long and I've missed writing. My other computer with all the chapters decided to break from the inside so I now have to re-write everything. GRRR! Please bear with me people. This chapter might suck but it's only until I can figure out what should happen._

**DISCLAIMER- I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT? I ONLY OWN JESS? AWW MAN!**

I walked outside with Jacob and waited for him to say something. He kept fidgeting. I looked at him getting impatient.

"What is it Jacob? Anything you say, I've probably heard before." I told him. He looked shock. I don't understand why. We've had this talk again and again.

"You know how I feel about you with other guys. Especially Paul. Why him?" He told me. I glared at him. Who the hell does he think he is?

"Me? You're the one that ignores the imprint to keep chasing after the leech lover! I'd rather be with Paul because he would actually spend time with me! Besides he's nice to me! That's more than I could ever say about you Jacob!" I yelled at him. I'm so sick of this. I'm tired of him blaming me.

"He's only doing it to get back at me! He doesn't care for you at all!" He yelled in my face. I glared and suppressed the urge to smack him knowing it would only hurt me.

"I'M NOT GONNA WAIT AROUND FOR YOU JACOB! I'VE DONE ENOUGH WAITING!" I walked back inside. I jumped Paul's lap and felt him wrap his arms around me. I smiled and watched a movie with him and the pack. At around 10, I got ready for bed. I changed into my pajamas and lay in bed.

"I'm so not ready for school tomorrow." With those words, I finally fell asleep. What felt like an hour later, I was being woken up by Emily. She smiled down at me.

"Time to get dressed. First day of school." She walked downstairs to continue making breakfast. I yawned and went to take a shower. I went to my room and stood in front of my closet trying to find an outfit. I finally decided on a pair of blue skinnies, one red sock and one blue sock, a shirt that said "Peace, Love, Cupcakes" on it and my red converse. I grabbed my tote bag and ran downstairs. I sat down and grabbed a muffin.

"You're not hungry Jess?" Emily asked me. I shook my head.

"I'm too nervous." I looked down.

"Why? The boys will be there." She put a glass of orange juice in front of me and I thanked her.

"I know they will be, but what happens if I'm alone and someone decides to mess with me?" I asked her. She shrugged. I didn't blame her for not knowing.

"You beat the crap out of them until they leave you alone." I heard from behind me. Sam walked over to Emily and kissed each of her scars lovingly. I pretended to puke.

"Get a room." I smiled. I laughed and ducked when a wooden spoon came flying at me.

"Do you want a ride to school?" Sam asked me. I shook my head and grabbed my bag.

"I'm good with walking." I grabbed Paul's hoodie and my headphones then waved bye to them. I played Too Little, Too Late by A Skylit Drive. I didn't hear the motorcycle pull up next to me. I looked over and saw Jacob. I rolled my eyes and kept walking.

"Jess you have to talk to me sometime." He told me. I took my headphones off and looked at him.

"Well now is not the time so you can keep going." I put my headphones on and walked the rest of the way to school.

'Another place I'll have to learn to deal with. I'm just too different' I thought. I sighed and walked to the office. I smiled and asked for my schedule. The lady, whose name I didn't care to know, gave it to me and a slip that had to be signed by my teacher then returned. I walked out and went to my locker. I looked at how empty it was and thought about how it'll be filled with books later. I felt someone hit my shoulder hard. I grabbed my locker to keep myself from falling. I looked up and saw a tan Barbie.

"You're the new girl right?" She asked me chewing her gum loudly.

"Obviously." I told her. She glared and leaned down to get in my face. Stupid height.

"Stay away from Jacob and his friends. They belong to me and my friends. I smirked. 'I'm gonna change it up here'

"I wasn't aware that they were objects." I told her. She looked at me angrily.

"They're my objects so you can keep your fat little hands off of them." She told me. I didn't respond. I was too angry to say anything. She smirked thinking she had won. I looked around and realized we had an audience.

"I knew you would be smart and listen. Nobody likes a fat girl with glasses newbie." She smiled. I finally snapped. I threw my bag down and grabbed her hair. I pulled her down and punched her. I heard a satisfying crack and saw blood coming out of her nose. She screamed and I dropped her. I stared down at her shocked at how angry I got. I grabbed my bag and started walking away.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS NEW KID!" She screamed. I kept walking. I didn't know how I should act. I ran into what I thought was a wall but before I could fall an arm caught me. I looked up and saw Embry, Quil and Jake. They were all smiling. I just stared at them.

"I never thought it would be you to hit her but I'm glad someone did." Embry told me.

"She's been after one of us for years and finally someone got rid of her." Quil said. I looked at Jake and he looked proud. I felt the guys reach into my pocket and grab my schedule.

"You have 3 classes with Jake and the rest with me and Quil." Embry told me. I sighed knowing it's gonna be a long first day.


	4. I Said I Love You As I Left You

_**Don't kill me! I meant to update a couple months ago but life got in the way. DAMN YOU LIFE! But I'm back with a new chapter. So enjoy :D I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. If you wanna see anything in the story, just let me know and I'll add it in somewhere.**_

**Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight blah blah blah.**

Well I was right. It was a long day. I won't get into any boring details but you should know that I broke my right hand punching Jake too hard. Now you're probably wondering 'Why the fuck did you punch Jake?' He brought up Bella fucking Swan in the middle of our conversation. He kept saying how beautiful she is and I snapped. So now I have a nice blue cast on for a couple weeks.

"Paul!" I shouted from outside the bathroom. I have to pee and whatever he's doing in there is taking too long. I kicked the door as hard as I could.

"What?" He yelled annoyed. I don't give a fuck if he's annoyed. My bladder is overflowing.

"I have to pee! Get out!" I waited impatiently as he unlocked the door. I ran in and pushed him out.

"Hey!" He shouted as I shut the door in his face. I smirked and relieved myself. It was the best feeling of my life. I washed my hand and cursed the cast. I walked to the living room but stopped seeing not only the pack but a fucking leech lover. She looked at me and smiled. I glared and walked to the kitchen straight over to Jake.

"Are you fucking kidding me Jacob?" I glared at him. He looked at me then looked back down at his food.

"I promised her I would hang out with her. I'm gonna take every chance I can get Jess." He told me calmly. I screamed and walked outside and sat in the street. Why? Because I fucking can. I looked up when someone sat next to me.

"He doesn't deserve you." He told me. I scoffed and kept drawing shapes in the dirt.

"Yeah but my heart wants him Paul." I shook my head. I hated it.

"You know what you should do?" He smirked. I looked at him.

"What? Punch Bella and hope for the best?" He laughed. I thought it was a good idea.

"No. Make him jealous. Date someone you would never get with." I looked at him like he had four head.

"That's so stupid. But it might work." I started thinking about who would do it. Embry? Nah he's too innocent. Quil is Quil so he's out of the question.

"I'll help you do it." Paul told me. I looked at him shocked. I've seen his type and once again, I'm far from being his type.

"Are you serious?" I couldn't wrap my head around this idea. He nodded looking proud of himself.

"Yeah. I like you and I want to piss Jacob off. It's a win-win situation for me." He looked pleased with himself. I laughed and nodded.

"I'll do it." I stood up and dusted myself off. He smirked and stood as well. He grabbed my hand and we walked inside. Jared looked over and spit his soda out. I looked at him grossed out.

"What the hell Paul? You and Jess?" He shouted. Everyone turned to look at us and I hid my face in Paul's chest. I felt his chest move as he laughed.

"Yeah. I like her and she likes me. We just decided to make it… official." He sounded so sure about this. I looked at everyone's face. Sam, Emily, Embry, and Quil all looked suspicious. Jared just looked confused. Leah was smirking and Seth looked excited. I looked back at Jacob and saw how pissed off he was. I dragged Paul to the couch and made him sit next to me.

"I can't believe you two." Jacob said. I shrugged.

"It just happened Jake. Besides I got tired of waiting. Did you think I would always be there?" I told him knowing that's exactly what he thought.

"As a matter of fact, I did." He told me. I glared at him.

"Are you serious? So while you were running around with the stupid leech lover over here, you were expecting me to just stay at home alone?" I yelled.

"Hey! Don't insult the Cullens like that!" Bella shouted. I turned and looked at her.

"I don't believe you were even in this conversation! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She sat down immediately. I looked back at Jake.

"Don't talk to Bella like that!" He yelled in my face. I pushed him back. I would've body checked him but I don't think it would've done any damage.

"She shouldn't even be here! Face it Jake, I'm gone and you fucking hate it! You know that once she becomes I leech, I might not be there and it scares you! Too damn bad! You only have yourself to blame! I love you but this shit is done!" I stood there breathing heavily while he looked hurt. I started feeling guilty about my words but I'm not gonna apologize for it.

"You love me?" He asked. I nodded.

"If you loved me you wouldn't be doing this to me!" I glared. I walked back to Paul. When I sat, he put his arm around my waist.

"Sorry Jake but maybe you should've showed you care. But it's ok now. I have Paul and you don't need to worry about the imprint. As long as you're gonna fight it then so am I." I looked back at the TV; put my head in the crook of Paul's neck and ignored Jake and Bella leaving.

"Are you ok Jess?" I heard Paul whisper. I looked up at him and smiled sadly.

"I'll be fine." I told him but in my own mind I could only wish I'd be fine.


	5. Can We Create Something Beautiful

_**Hey guys. Sorry my updates have been slow but I can't really find the time to write much but please bear with me. I'm glad people are enjoying this story so much though. It gives me a reason to keep writing this. I'm not really into Twilight anymore but I'm definitely going to continue this story.**_

**Disclaimer- As usual, Twilight doesn't belong to me. Blah blah blah.**

The past few weeks that Paul and I have been dating have been the happiest weeks of my life. Jacob still has his stupid remarks but I can always counter with a snide remark. So in the end my life is getting better.

"JESS!" I heard from downstairs. I took my ear buds out and put my lyric notebook down. I got up and went downstairs.

"Yeah?" I looked at Emily to see what she wanted. She smiled at me and went back to baking the muffins. I looked at her confused before I felt myself being lifted into the air. I squealed and held onto the arms that were holding me. I heard Paul's laugh from behind me and immediately smiled. He put me down and I turned and kissed him. I felt him smile.

"Why don't you guys go and get a room?" I heard Jacob say bitterly while walking by. I pulled away and looked at him smirking.

"We would but I wouldn't want you guys to hear how loud we could be. Besides I'm not a whore like your leech lover." He gave me a pissed off look and sat down at the table.

"I was thinking we could go for a walk on the beach and then chill there until the bonfire." Paul told me. I thought about it then nodded.

"That sounds like a great idea. I should get dressed though." I kissed his cheek then ran upstairs. I grabbed a pair of grey skinnies, a blue V-neck shirt, and my blue and black vans. I grabbed one of Paul's old hoodies and put it on. I ran downstairs and grabbed his hand.

"Ready?" He asked me. I nodded and smiled.

"I'll see you guys at the bonfire." I told her and waved. She waved back and I walked out with Paul.

Jacob's POV

I watched as Jess left with Paul. I clenched my fist until my knuckles turned white. I know I had no right to be angry but she's my fucking imprint. She will always be mine. Paul thinks that he won but she'll come back to me. I felt Emily place a hand over mine and I somewhat relaxed. I looked up at her.

"You can't be mad at her Jake. You brought this on yourself." She told me. I couldn't answer. I knew she was right. I love Bella but Jess makes me feel things that I don't feel with Bella. I can't let either one go.

"What should I do? I keep hurting Jess but I love Bella and I promised I would never give up on her." Emily smiled and me and sat next to me.

"I know you love Bella. While I don't approve of how you're fighting the imprint, I can see why you're doing it. But you have to think about Bella and Jess. Bella is in love with her boyfriend and happy with him. Jess is in love with you but happy with Paul. You have one girl's heart but you want the other. Your heart already knows who it wants. Your mind and soul just have to agree." I looked at her and sighed.

"I still don't know what to do." She put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

"You'll figure it out Jake. It doesn't matter how long it takes, you'll figure it out." She walked back over to the oven. I sat back and thought about what she told me. Jess or Bella? How could I choose, when I love both of them? I stared at the ceiling and decided to go to the beach, hoping to see Jess. I drove to the beach and started walking through the water. I heard Jess's familiar laugh and smiled. She has a loud laugh but it was cute. I looked over and saw her kissing Paul. I clenched my fist. I glared and made a decision. I'm going to stop fighting for Bella and start fighting for my imprint. I'm going to prove to Jess that I love her and we belong together.


End file.
